I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
