My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
