your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
