This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
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Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
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I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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