Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
