Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
