You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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