Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
