She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
