i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
