You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
