What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize