If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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