I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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