he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i think i have two assholes
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
