i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
