i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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