16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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