question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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