im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
