The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
