i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you win again, gameday.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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