Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I did not marry a roomba.
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