Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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