im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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