You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
