Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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