420 ftw
i love accidental penises.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Randomize
