i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
