that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
