When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
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Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
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It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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