I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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