i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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