i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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