Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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