Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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