Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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