What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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