On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
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