apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
