There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
