She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
