apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.