I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything