Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
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Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.