WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
