Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference

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(714): View more from California

I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?

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(985): View more from Louisiana

when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"

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(757): View more from Virginia

And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."

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29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
Read it at the TFLN blog
(707): View more from California

I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.

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(418): View more from Quebec

I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out

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(619): View more from California

surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.

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(248): View more from Michigan

Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.

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