She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
i think im in europe. pls send help