Texts From Last Night

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  (407): View more from Florida

  this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.

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  (407): this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god. http://tfl.nu/34d8
  Replies (65) Good night (13566) Bad night (784)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.

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  (609): I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me. http://tfl.nu/wd99
  Replies (43) Good night (771) Bad night (5158)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.

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  (858): Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show. http://tfl.nu/suqh
  Replies (31) Good night (1357) Bad night (4577)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.

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  (415): dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint. http://tfl.nu/divk
  Replies (25) Good night (9167) Bad night (1181)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.

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  (208): I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants. http://tfl.nu/k57a
  Replies (21) Good night (1228) Bad night (5213)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.

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  (410): we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice. http://tfl.nu/ow0x
  Replies (5) Good night (864) Bad night (2797)
• Favorite

  (228): View more from Mississippi

  He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.

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  (228): He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him. http://tfl.nu/emw6
  Replies (10) Good night (1128) Bad night (2711)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird

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  (303): Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird http://tfl.nu/672q
  Replies (12) Good night (3181) Bad night (946)
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.

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  (319): Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock. http://tfl.nu/6tse
  Replies (15) Good night (1624) Bad night (521)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.

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  (541): Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic. http://tfl.nu/b3rt
  Replies (1) Good night (800) Bad night (429)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.

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  (812): I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon. http://tfl.nu/la4i
  Replies (10) Good night (921) Bad night (391)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?

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  (408): I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win? http://tfl.nu/gfqe
  Replies (12) Good night (669) Bad night (242)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?

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  (650): I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night? http://tfl.nu/apf6
  Replies (4) Good night (627) Bad night (460)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up

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  (914): Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up http://tfl.nu/yx6y
  Replies (4) Good night (856) Bad night (230)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.

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  (814): I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible. http://tfl.nu/cmea
  Replies (1) Good night (434) Bad night (162)

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