hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Randomize
