I will die if light touches me.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
