On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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