i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
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the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
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Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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