all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
