I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
