please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
