I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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