he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
