People with herpes should wear stickers.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
