So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
