I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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