Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
