THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
