trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
