More tranny stories later!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
