Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
