so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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