lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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