If i could tip my vagina, i would.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
