Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
