I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
They took my balls.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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