What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
