3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
