Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
