Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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