At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Everclear isn't food dammit
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
